FIRST TIME?

WHAT TO EXPECT ON YOUR FIRST HASH

So maybe you ran into a pack of hashers on your daily walk.

Maybe you were inadvertently met some half-minds at the local bar wearing matching socks and singing songs.

And maybe, just maybe, they convinced you to join them.

Chances are something like that happened, otherwise reading this is a little strange for you to be doing. (Stalk much?)

So now that you've been convinced into joining our merry mob of no-good drunkards, allow me to say this to you, the first time hasher, congratulations. There is no way, whatsoever, without a shadow of a doubt that you'll ever regret this decision.

With that said...

You are not a first time hasher, you are a VIRGIN and will be known to other hashers as 'NFN* <your name>'. Congratulations on getting your cherry back.

*NFN stands for No Fucking Name. More on that later.

There are only a few things you'll have to do to prepare for your first run with the Holy Shit! What the Fuck? Hash House Harriers. Our standards are low and our morals are nonexistent.

You will be asked four questions on your first run. Memorize these as the consequences for not knowing the answer are both outrageous and will make you look "special"

Question #1: What is your name?

Your answer: I am NFN* (fill in the blank) - If you cannot fill in the blank, you should probably not be in our group and instead immediately report to a mental health clinic.

Question #2: Where are you from?

Your answer: Wherever you are from. Again, if you cannot answer this refer to the advice from question 1.

Question #3: Why are you here?

Your answer: To drink beer. Or any variation of those three words (drink whiskey, smoke weed, etc...). Unacceptable answers: "because someone made me", "to exercise", "to not have fun", or "the government sent me".

Question #4: Who made you cum?

Now this is a tricky one, you might be tempted to expound on your previous night's companion, but that is not the right answer. To answer this, tell us the name of the hasher who invited you to the event. Be sure to use their hash name, if they are a named hasher. Nerd names (explained below) are not desirable. If you were not invited by a hasher, just point to someone pretty (point with your elbow, we don't know where your fingers have been).

Other super cool info you'll need to know:

The hare(s) will lay marks on trail. You, and the rest of the pack, will need to follow the marks to find the beer. A guide to trail marks can be found here.

What follows is a quick glossary of terms you'll be confronted with at the runs. Don't be scared. just let it flow into you like that sweet, sweet beer.

Nerd Name:
- What's a nerd name you ask? It's the name that a hasher uses outside of hashing. Do not call someone by their nerd name if they are a named hasher.
Circle:
- The grouping at the beginning and end of the trail. Don't worry, it's hard to miss
Cranium Gear:
- Any type of hat/cranium coverage. Do not wear cranium gear in circle while taking a down down.
Down Downs:
- If you are called out in circle for an accusation or honor, you'll go to the middle of circle, we'll all sing you a song and then you'll drink your beverage of choice. That's called a "down down". Don't worry - we'll demonstrate for you.
Vessel:
- Most important of all, a vessel will be your best friend at the trail. Simply put, a vessel is a non-see-through container for drinking out of. Make sure you have one when you come!! Authorities tend to frown on drinking in public, but how do they know there's beer in your coffee mug?
Dry bag:
- A bag containing a dry change of clothes and shoes. If it says on the trail information to bring one, it's usually a good idea to bring one, if it doesn't say it on the trail information, it's usually a good idea to bring one.
Hares:
- The hashers laying the trail
Kennel / Pack:
- The group that follows the trail laid by the hares
Trail Marks
- The marks the pack will follow on trail to find beer! See examples here.
Beer Check:
- A stop along the trail to enjoy a tasty beverage.
Shiggy:
- Any type of terrain that the trail runs through that is not a sidewalk. This can include, but is not limited to, forests, rivers, swamps, tunnels, creeks, Mr. Johnson's back yard, chemical plant run off canals, and massive thickets of blackberry bushes.
Shiggy gear:
- Garments that prevent aforementioned obstacles from hurting your precious hide. Usually just means soccer type socks/leggings and a long sleeve shirt/under armor.

That should sum it up. For any other questions you have, ask the bastard who invited you out or email us at hswtfh3@gmail.com.

ON-ON!

(that means go, you're on the right trail, keep moving forward)