WHAT TO EXPECT ON YOUR FIRST HASH
So maybe you ran into a pack of hashers on your daily walk.
Maybe you were inadvertently met some half-minds at the local bar wearing matching socks and singing songs.
And maybe, just maybe, they convinced you to join them.
Chances are something like that happened, otherwise reading this is a little strange for you to be doing. (Stalk much?)
So now that you've been convinced into joining our merry mob of no-good drunkards, allow me to say this to you, the first time hasher, congratulations. There is no way, whatsoever, without a shadow of a doubt that you'll ever regret this decision.
With that said...
You are not a first time hasher, you are a VIRGIN and will be known to other hashers as 'NFN* <your name>'. Congratulations on getting your cherry back.
*NFN stands for No Fucking Name. More on that later.
There are only a few things you'll have to do to prepare for your first run with the Holy Shit! What the Fuck? Hash House Harriers. Our standards are low and our morals are nonexistent.
You will be asked four questions on your first run. Memorize these as the consequences for not knowing the answer are both outrageous and will make you look "special"
Question #1: What is your name?
Your answer: I am NFN* (fill in the blank) - If you cannot fill in the blank, you should probably not be in our group and instead immediately report to a mental health clinic.
Question #2: Where are you from?
Your answer: Wherever you are from. Again, if you cannot answer this refer to the advice from question 1.
Question #3: Why are you here?
Your answer: To drink beer. Or any variation of those three words (drink whiskey, smoke weed, etc...). Unacceptable answers: "because someone made me", "to exercise", "to not have fun", or "the government sent me".
Question #4: Who made you cum?
Now this is a tricky one, you might be tempted to expound on your previous night's companion, but that is not the right answer. To answer this, tell us the name of the hasher who invited you to the event. Be sure to use their hash name, if they are a named hasher. Nerd names (explained below) are not desirable. If you were not invited by a hasher, just point to someone pretty (point with your elbow, we don't know where your fingers have been).
Other super cool info you'll need to know:
The hare(s) will lay marks on trail. You, and the rest of the pack, will need to follow the marks to find the beer. A guide to trail marks can be found here.
What follows is a quick glossary of terms you'll be confronted with at the runs. Don't be scared. just let it flow into you like that sweet, sweet beer.